My life has changed so much since last Winter. I'm in awe of it sometimes. A few posts ago, I wrote about how difficult it was to let my daughters decide where they wanted to live and go to school. It was a difficult decision for two girls that have friends and family along with small town life. It was just as difficult for a single Mom, who had always had her children close to her side. Choices are not always easy. Sometimes, you have to walk a bit down the road and look back to see if it was the right thing to do. I was amazed at the emails by other women, such as myself, that went through the same thing. Sometimes, you need to be the voice and say that it's okay that life isn't perfect and living differently than what others perceive as normal, does not make you a bad person. As women and mother's, we feel judged if we don't walk a path that other's feel would define whether or not we were good. Oh heck,I never led a normal life, why start now? As long as it works for my family and I, it is the right choice.
The changes are still evolving. After nearly 20 years of being a caregiver along with that of a single Mom...I have been adjusting to leaving the caregiver roll; becoming once again, just a daughter. It has come in steps and I can't begin to tell you what a joy it is. There has been a weight off my shoulders to know that there are wonderful caregivers and aides for my Mom. She simply needed more than one person 24/7 and an aide for a couple hours each day. It is not a bad thing to say, "I can't". No matter how well you have done, or how much you love someone in this capacity.....the person may need things that you can't give them. My Mom has been making wonderful friendships that go beyond a person's job. She and one of her aides, Ann have become close as they share a love for reading, cooking and QVC. I can spoil her and have been able to make her those special things that she used to cook for us...we chat and talk of friends, family and good times...making goode memories along the way. Yes, it's different, but as I can see over my shoulder, it is better!
For me, I have also been able to expand my love beyond the wee folk and in different media...I am enjoying it and finding that there aren't enough hours for me to do what I love and keep up with so many orders! In all of this, I am learning how to balance my life a little better. I can do things like hop in the car and visit a friend, or pick up needfuls. I can make a date with my girls and shop til we drop for a Homecoming dress. What many take for granted, I have a great appreciation for.
The pictures above show one of today's deeds. A fresh coat of whitewash on my beloved doll house (thank you Tim!). It was given to me by a dear friend and holds many memories for my daughter Jesslyn, and myself. It is a reminder of my journey and more than that, it is a piece that has always captured my heart. There is something about a doll house....sometimes, you just never grow up. My wee friends above are settling back into their little home. The stove is in place. Although you can't see it in the picture, there is a warm orange glow from the stove that flickers and keeps the wee home very cozy. Mrs. Flannigan is beside the stove, warming her frog.. Tinker Mouse is looking for the teapot. The clock isn't up on the wall yet, but Tinker is sure that it is time for tea! As she is scurrying about, their friend the Hedge Witch stops by with fresh herbs and some visiting to do. Who says we are too old for this? We have many difficult decisions, so many things that we have to do.. why not simply enjoy a piece of yesterday? Tomorrow will be here whether we do or not.